I am not sure how many people have heard the Ted talk from Brene Brown about shame. She shares in her talk (link below) about shame after her prior talk on vulnerability the year before. (also below) I decided to share this story as my first official blog post about these two videos. See, over the years shame and vulnerability have kept me in a box. About 15ish or so years ago I was on an airplane and I honestly thought I was going to die. We were going into Dulles Airport which is outside of DC in a really bad storm. I was on the way to pick up my kids and take them back to Texas. I happen to be sitting by a man who was a spiritual consultant to a famous person and I didn't know it at the time of our initial conversation. As I was rambling some crazy stuff about dying, and I think he had had enough and finally started talking to me. For some crazy reason I shared some deep stuff with this total stranger. After a few minutes I think he again had finally had enough of me and finally looked at me and said "You were not a victim when ______ happened, you chose to be a victim each time after that when let it control you". Oh, how dare this man talk to me like this. He was no better than the man who did it to me a this point I was feeling. I was so angry. I didn't speak to him anymore and hoped he died in the storm. Not really but at the time it felt good. So, after getting off the plane and getting some food finally which resulted in my blood sugar back in check, I wrote what he said down.
I happen to open my laptop side pocket and this man had wrote the quote on the paper for me with a comment that said "see you soon". "God has plans for you". WHAT, God has plans for me? Now I know he is crazy right. If God only knew (LOL) what I had done and all the crap I lived through he would never choose me for anything. Wow, all the crap I have lived through. Right! God only knows.
Fast forward to almost a year later and I am now on a plane to North Carolina to a conference for MaryKay. I was running late as my flight was late getting in and I slept a little too late. I arrived and the room was packed and as I looked around I heard a voice on the speaker say "there is a seat right up front". No, not me not up front, I have to walk in front of all these people (insert shame and embarrassment, yet again) and I bravely walk up front with my head down. I take my seat and I hear him whisper, God told me to save this seat for you.
NO, not that voice. NO, it can't be him can it. Can I kill him? No, I must now sit and endure him talking.
YEP, you guessed it. Mr. Nasty from a year prior.
I guess he didn't die in that storm after all. Not funny really. So, after the meeting I try to be small, hide, and sneak out and thanking God he would not be at anymore of the meetings. So as I walk out of the door I hear that voice, oh friend, come over here for a minute.
"FRIEND", who is he calling friend? Since I knew better than to be rude I kindly, went over while thinking of ways to get out of there fast. He asks to talk to me and even how I had been. He shared a few things with me and I found myself softening and listening. I chose to embrace him instead of running in shame away. I chose to not let the "incident" have power anymore. It had kept me small, shameful, insignificant, less than for long enough. I chose to eat with him and his wife dinner that night. I learned to live boldly, follow my dreams and to accept God did have plans for me.
See he taught me a technique I use to this day in my practice, one of being open to what God has for me. I often tell my clients "can you be open to_____?"This often softens the person and topic by practicing being open to____.
Upon returning home a few days later I met a man called Michael. He too taught me many things but the most important was "What If.....?" What if I followed my dreams, What If I lived like I deserved__? What if God could do amazing things through me? What if...? So many What If's over the years.
Then right after this I met Terri. She opened my eyes to natural toxin-free products and a mission of changing the world. See friends, when I got open the opportunities, opportunities started flowing and the world opened up. God was putting people in my path one after another. It was so hard to keep up and breathe at times. Things happened so fast. By this point the triplets were one and had suffered serious health related issues unrelated to their prematurity. My whole world and theirs was about to change.
I chose to stop watching life and starting playing in the arena. I chose to lead and change even when I felt alone. Then guess what, God then put a man in my life that sent me a song (below) after sharing how lonely it was to forge a new way in the world. I shared of heartache and pain of the name calling even by own husband at the time. He was cruel at times and it was hurtful.
See opposition can even be from within your own home. This time I stumbled but it didn't get me. I chose to stop and think. I chose to listen to the song every day. Sometimes, many times a day. I chose a new way. See, it didn't matter what he (my husband) said or anyone else. God was setting a path and I was following. In the song it mentions how lonely the pioneer is and how God is the only that goes before. It was so true back then. See, I was never alone. God was always there. He is and always will be there laying the next step. So even to this day when I feel alone and forging a new way again I turn on this song and remind myself, I am not alone, God is there making a path. I have included this song as well below. Maybe it could help you too.
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